


Little Miss Muffet

by orions_doubt



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horrortale, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Swapfell, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, F/F, F/M, Lesbians!, MUFFET APPRECIATION, Reader is Pan, author simps for muffet, muffet is a cold hard business woman, reader does not like the skele-bois, reader is not with sans or papyrus, reader is protective of becca, reader swears a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orions_doubt/pseuds/orions_doubt
Summary: What happens when a cold-hearted business woman meets her soulmate who happens to be a disaster gay and a flaming homosexual?Hilarity ensues, obviously.AKA, just a reason for me to simp over how much I love Muffet.
Relationships: Muffet (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/OC
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Little Miss Muffet

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I was talking with another author (idk if they want their name to be said, but if they do I can go back and add it) and I was saying how I was *this* close to writing a muffet/reader fanfiction, cause I've never really seen one before. And then I actually did it. 
> 
> Yea, but anyways, I was getting kinda tired of writing straight fanfiction, so I'm doing this.  
> I AM NOT ABANDONING MY OTHER STORIES, just wanted to write something so I can make fun of heterosexuals (apologies if you are one, you are probably a lovely person, unless you aren't, idk bro).

It was a fuckin beautiful ass day, and god dammit if you weren’t going to take it by the throat and extort it to it’s fullest. The sun was blocked by the clouds, and the temperature was at a comfortable sixty-eight degrees, which meant you had a choice to wear virtually anything and not get too hot or too cold. It was the beginning of fall, and it was that time of year when you allowed yourself to crack open a can of pumpkin (usually used for baking pies) and eat it raw. You liked winter the best, since you got to wear jeans, and had an excuse not to show off any of your body, but fall was a nice transition from cargo shorts and baggy tank tops, to baggy black denim jeans and two-sizes-too-big sweatshirts. Maybe throw in the occasional skirt and thigh highs, but that was about as fancy as you got. 

You were still in bed, curled up around a pillow, nuzzling your face into the soft fabric. You knew you had to get out of bed eventually, but that was a problem for later. A least it was until your phone started buzzing like crazy. The only people who would bother calling you this early was work, and work you were obligated to answer (for fear of them hearing your voicemail prompt). You groaned and swiped your phone off the bedside table, yanking it off the charger as you did. 

“Yo.”

“Hi, Ash, just calling to make sure you aren’t going to be late today.”

You growled in annoyance. It was the fucking new girl. You forgot her name, but you were sure it was something annoying. She was an absolute peach with everyone else, but with you, she was a total heinous bitch, and you don’t throw that word around very often. She was fine the first week she worked with you, but then something happened and she started getting cocky. She would move around the schedule and make it so you always had to go at night shifts (which was fucking terrible because your night meds kicked in an hour after you took them and made you incredibly sleepy), and she would always make it a point to direct the most difficult customers at you. For any normal people, these customers would be able to be taken care of by calling the manager for them, or just giving them a discount. With you, people would think you were the devil incarnate and threaten to call the police. It might be because of the dyed hair, or the septum piercing, or maybe the eyeliner. Whatever it was, you really seemed to piss off most middle-aged (and older) people you came in contact with. 

“Naw dude, I’ve got it covered.”

“You sure? Your shift started five minutes ago.”

You could practically hear the smugness dripping off of her voice and through the phone. You rolled your eyes.

“Ha ha, how many times has that trick worked for you?”

“If you don’t believe me, look for yourself!”

Your phone dings with the sound of a text message and you exit the phone app and hang up the call to take a look at it. The new girl has sent you a picture of the board in the breakroom at work that shows everyone’s shifts. AND SON OF A GUN YOUR’S STARTED AT 8:30! You swiped up to get to the time and silently cursed. It was 8:36. You were gonna be in so much fucking trouble. You jumped out of bed and rushed to your drawers. There wasn’t much you had time for, hell, you didn’t have time for anything. Maybe if you just put on some clothes and sprinted (it was only a two block walk), then you could get there in fifteen minutes. 

You rushed around your messy ass room, picking up a pair of socks, a pair of baggy ripped jeans, a work shirt, and a sports bra before hastily putting it all on. You messed up tying the laces on your shoes about ten times before finally getting a half decent knot and ran out the door, only pausing to lock it and jiggle the handle a couple of times to make sure it was actually locked. 

After about five minutes of full out sprinting and bumping into a number of people, mostly important looking business men getting to their jobs, you managed to step into your work at precisely 8:50 am. The new girl was standing at one of the cash registers looking extremely smug. She waved over to you. 

“Hiiii Ash! Just to let you know, Dick wants to speak with you in the back!”

Fuck. Dick was your manager. And to put it bluntly, Dick, was a dick. He had a weird obsession with the new girl and always put her in the most convenient shifts. If you knew any better, he was probably just trying to get into her pants. You visibly shivered after thinking this. Fucking cishet white males. Some aren’t that bad, but most are enough to make you want to beat their heads over with a baseball bat filled with nails. 

You pushed open the door to the backrooms and walked up to the door with the sign “Management”. You sighed and ran your hand down your face before plastering on a fake grin and knocking. 

“Come in.”

You open the door slowly and slide through it. Dick looks up from his computer and snaps it closed, not before you see what he was looking at in the reflection of his glasses. Porn. On a work computer. The balls on this guy. He gestures to one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

“Ash.”

He regards you. It makes it want to snort with how fucking dramatic this guy is. He’s like a really bad actor in a shitty mafia movie. You swallow your laugh and force yourself to look in his bloodshot eyes. 

“Dick.”

He nods his head, apparently satisfied with whatever mob fantasy just played out in his head. 

“Do you know how many times you have been late, Ash?”

Sure, you could count on one hand how many times you have been late, this is the fourth time, and the other times you have only been late by five to ten minutes. In all honesty, working here for the past two years and only being late four times is pretty damn impressive in your book. Especially considering your talent for sleeping through your alarm. 

“Four, sir?”

That’s another thing about him, he likes to be called sir. Which you do not like at all. 

“Yes Ash, very good,” you almost scrunch up your nose at that, but resist, “and that’s four times, too many.”

Well that’s completely bullshit, considering the new girl, who he drools over constantly, you’ve seen be late at least ten times in the past six weeks she has worked here. But, you decide to keep your mouth shut. You don’t need your temper flaring up at the moment. 

“Yes sir, I’m sorry sir.”

It kills you, the amount of ass-kissing you have to do for this guy. 

“Right, well, I have been talking with Mackenzie…” oh right, that’s the new girl, “and she says that she has noticed you slacking off and being overall… pessimistic. Now we can’t have that, can we?”

Pessimistic your ass. It’s called being a realist, and if Karens don’t like hearing that they are probably going to die an early death with the amount of microwave meals and boxed wine they are buying, then they can shove their complaints about their weight up their ass. What really kills you is when they turn it on you and start to fat-shame. You know you aren’t skinny, but at least your bulk has something to do with muscle, and not just the fact that you eat sour-patch-kids in your bed everyday. 

But, you think you know where this is going. Which sucks, cause it means you are going to have to polish off the old resume and look for a job, which is hard in the city already, but finding a job that will accept someone with dyed hair, will be a fucking workout. 

“Which is why, I am sad to inform you, that we will be letting you go.”

“Chill.”

You’ve already accepted the fate, there’s no need to be an asshole about it. Your reaction apparently surprises Dick, because his eyes widen. 

“Really?”

You shrug your shoulders. 

“Yea, whatever man.”

He stutters a little bit and looks flustered. 

“Yes, well-”

New girl, who Dick called Mackenzie, bursts through the door and you turn to look at her. 

“How did it go, Dicky!”

You can’t help but let a snort come out of your mouth. She turns and glares at you. 

“Ash, what are you still doing here.”

You stand up and brush off your pants. 

“Don’t worry, I was just leaving.”

Her mouth flops open like a fish. 

“You aren’t mad?”

You grin at her. 

“No, why would I be? I don’t have to work with you anymore.”

She turns beet red and you walk out the door of Dick’s office. You walk down the back rooms and into the main shopping area, where you can hear the yelling of Mackenzie. Sounds like someone didn’t get what they wanted. You walk out the door with a smirk on your face and stick a toothpick in your mouth. A walk around the city while blasting music from your headphones seems like it is in order. 

* * *

  
  


You walked around the city for what seems like about an hour. You didn’t quite know where you were, but that’s why Google maps was a thing. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going, since you were so engrossed at looking at the maple trees that lined the sidewalks and listening to music (the song that was currently playing was “Do It All The Time” by IDKHBTFM). You didn’t notice how the business men in suits eventually were replaced by friendly looking monsters, that was, until you bumped into one of them and got knocked onto your ass.

“SHIT, I’m sorry dude.”

You looked up in a daze to see a really tall… skeleton? 

“That Is Alright Human! I Was Not Hurt!”

You didn’t see a lot of monsters in the part of town you lived in, mostly because they were restricted to a certain district to live in, and they didn’t usually like to stray outside of other monsters. The skeleton offers a gloved hand down towards you, you assume he wants to help you up. 

You take the hand gratefully and pull yourself up. 

“WOWIE HUMAN! You Have A Very Strong Grip!”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. 

“Thanks?”

“No Problem!”

Then he runs off laughing. Although his laughing sounds a little like Skeletor. You shake your head in wonder. The scientist in you, and the emo in you, wants to study his bones and see what makes him tick, but you have a feeling it would not be polite to ask that. You take a moment to look around you to see that, yes, you have stumbled into the monster region of town. It seems to be a lot cleaner over here. And the buildings look much nicer and more cared for. That may be because the currency in the Underground was gold, and the gold to money exchange rate was pretty damn high when they got to the surface. You walk along the shops, admiring the cute little boutiques and watching the way everyone here just looked so fricken friendly! You couldn’t even bring yourself to swear properly!

You walk deeper into the monster district and you start to smell something. It smells so freaking good! Like apples, and cinnamon, and… _sugar._ Well, there goes your sweet tooth. You find yourself following the scent like a bloodhound and eventually come to a shop labeled “Muffet’s Bakery” in swirly, purple letters. It’s fricken adorable. Why is everything so adorable here! It seems to be a two story building, all painted a nice lilac. You assume the second story is most likely for the owner, who you assume is Muffet. Outside of the building are elegant pillars, that extend to a terrace jutting out from a second story window. Snap dragons and baby’s breath outline the building. Most of the flowers are covered with cobwebs, still shimmering with morning dew, which makes the place seem even more magical. Wait, what are you thinking, of course it’s magical. It’s monsters for Christ's sake. 

Luckily for you, there is a cursive open sign hanging in the front door. Well, that sounds like an invitation if anything for you. You push open the door and immediately do a double take. 

There are spiders everywhere! Not to mention the cobwebs. Spiders on the ceiling, spiders on the ground, spiders on the wall. Just the sheer amount of them reminds you of that one scene in Harry Potter. You are slightly worried you are going to step on them, but luckily, and you move forward, the spiders move out of the way of your shoes and make a little path up to the display case and the register. 

So it’s not just the outside that looks gorgeous, but the desserts too! Jesus fucking Christ, most of these look too good to even think about eating. And, of course, you can’t decide what you want. You look around and find a bell that you assume you are supposed to ring for service, so you lightly tap it. 

The ding rings about the room, and you hear a crashing coming from the double doors behind the counter you assume lead to the kitchen. A quiet “shoot” is heard, before a person comes scurrying out the door and up to the counter to address you. 

Oh fuck. 

You think you just fell in love. 

First, it’s a girl, and god damn, if you don’t love girls (only an exception of a couple). Second, she’s purple, which is one of your favorite colors. Third, she’s got six arms and five eyes. Why you find that hot? You have no idea. Fourth, she’s got fangs. Fifth, she’s got pigtails. Sixth, this is the one that nearly kills you, she’s wearing a maid dress. If you were in an anime, you would have definitely gotten a bloody nose. You must have been staring, or she said something and you were just distracted, because she quietly laughs at you. 

“Ahuhuhu, you don’t see many humans in our shop.”

You jerk out of whatever trance you were just in and sheepishly rub the back of your neck. 

“Really?”

She gives you a smile, ohhhh, that’s a dangerous smile. 

“Nope! In fact, you might just be our first.”

You smile brightly at her. Well, if you’re her first human customer, you might as well be a good one! 

“Alright, what do you recommend, cause if I don’t pick just one thing, I might end up getting all of them.”

She giggles softly into her hand. Fuck, she’s adorable. 

“Ahuhuhu, as much as I’d like that deary, I’m afraid you wouldn’t be able to afford all of that.”

You look at her and tilt your head and she laughs again. 

“Seeing as though you can’t afford to buy jeans with no holes in them.”

You blush. It sounds like something your grandma would say, but the way this lady says it, it makes you feel like you are both sharing an inside joke.

“Ha, you’re right about that,” and you gather up enough courage to wink at her. It’s her turn to blush this time, and her cheekbones turn a dark purple in contrast to her lilac skin. 

“I-i would recommend one of my classics,” and she goes over to the display case and opens the back to pick out one of the numerous goodies. She bends over, good lord, she has a garter on. You can feel your face heat up. 

She pulls out a donut looking thing and straightens up, walking back to you. You have to pretend to look around the shop so she doesn’t think that you were staring at her (which you totally were). She puts it in a bag and rings you up. You hand her a twenty, and she deposits it in her cash register. Twenty dollars for a donut? Seems a little steep. Must be one hell of a good donut. She must have seen your face because she laughs some more. 

“Ahuhu, don’t look so surprised deary, after all, I did give you a discount for being our first ever human customer.”

If twenty dollars was the discounted price of the donut, you don’t want to know the original price. 

“But! If you come back in tomorrow, I may have another discount in store for you.” 

You tear your eyes away from your bag and look up at her, she’s blushing again. Fucking adorable. 

“Yea! That sounds good! See ya tomorrow!”

Like hell you were going to miss another opportunity of seeing hot spider lady again. You exit the shop waving to her as you went. About two blocks later you realized something, _you forgot to ask for her fucking name_. 

* * *

  
  


It was around five-o’clock, and you didn’t feel like walking back home just yet, you wanted to get some dinner first. The donut that you bought was fucking amazing, but it didn’t do much to fill you up. You spotted a neon orange sign (you hated that color) with the name “Grillby’s” spelled out in a font that seemed almost cursive, but not? Through the windows, you could see a bunch of monsters chatting and laughing. It looked homely enough, might as well check it out. 

You crossed the street and pulled open the door only to get hit with an immediate blast of warmth. Holy crap, whoever controlled the temperature, really cranked it up in here. The place itself was like a restaurant/bar, with a bar in the back, and several booths and tables around the sides. You walked up to the bar, too busy looking around to notice the stares from the other monsters. You sat down in one of the bar stools only to look up and find the source of the heat. The bartender was a literal flame man. Ohhhh, you had so many puns up your sleeve just dying to be let out. 

“...”

“Grillbz asked if you would like anything.”

One of the monsters next to you explained. You brightened up and looked at the menu above you. Fuck, a burger sounded good, but honestly, when did a burger not sound good. 

“I’ll take a burger please!”

The man of flames who you assume is Grillby nods and heads to a door behind the bar labeled “fire exit”. You nearly snort at this, cause he’s made of fire, and he just exited. You crack a smile and swing your legs on the bar stool. If it were a normal barstool, your feet would have been able to touch the ground, but you’ve noticed that most monsters are taller than the average human, so it makes sense that their bar stools would be taller too. 

Grillby comes back out and places a plate in front of you with a burger. Holy shit that looks good. You pick it up and prepare to bite into it, but before you can do that, a pop sounds next to you. 

“gimme the usual grillbz.”

You look next to you to see another fricken skeleton. Will this one be freaked out if you asked him if you can study his rib cage? Now that you look at him closer, he doesn’t really look as anatomically correct as the other one you ran into today. His jawbone is fused together, and his skull seems bigger than the average human skull. He also seems a bit shorter than other monsters you have seen, maybe about an inch taller than you. He must at some point realize that you’re staring at him, because he finally turns around to face you and smirks. 

“see something you like?”

You laugh, you didn’t expect that to happen. Oh lord. This guy… 

“Ha, no, sorry dude.”

He shrugs and pulls out his phone, starting to swipe randomly. You look over to see him… on some sort of dating app for monsters? Huh. Hopefully that dude knows that online dating is a helluva way to get hurt. 

“You meetin’ anyone?”

The little white lights in his eyesockets flicker to you, then back to his phone. He sighs and drops his phone back on the bar top. 

“i was supposed to meet someone, but they didn’t show up.”

You frown. 

“Sorry dude, getting stood up fuckin’ sucks.”

He looks at you in surprise, like he didn’t expect you to swear, or even say anything to him. 

“whatever, not like it really matters anyway.”

Grillby sets a bottle of ketchup down on the counter in front of the skeleton, and then the dude just starts chugging it. You are now officially confused. He notices your look and chuckles a little bit to himself. 

“what, never drank ketchup before?”

“No?”

He snaps his fingers (how?): “darn you’re missin’ out.”

You roll your eyes. 

“Sure.”

You spend the next few minutes in silence with this dude, while you stare off into space eating your burger. It’s a pretty damn good burger, probably one of the best you’ve had. It doesn’t have any of that gourmet shit, it’s just a plain, greasy cheeseburger, that somehow has managed to taste fucking glorious, like God himself cooked it. Unfortunately, you finally finish it, and you are left looking at your plate sadly. You feel like you’ve overstayed your welcome at this point, considering the other monsters in the room, besides the skeleton next to you (who is snoring away) look like they want to kick you out, or at least give you a stern talking to. You place a twenty on the counter and jump off the bar stool. You give a mock salute to Grillby. 

“Seeya later dude!”

He looks up from the cup he is cleaning and holds up a hand in a wave. You exit the building and begin on your journey to your apartment back in the human section of town.


End file.
